I’ve always had a life goal to, at some point, become the most fit version of myself that I could be. I imagined myself rock climbing or standing in bow-pulling pose or moving as effortlessly as a Latin ballroom dancer. Think: girls having fun outdoors in fitness clothing magazines while listening to Pitbull.
When I was playing sports, I always enjoyed going to practice: it was a few hours a day to be me, to be physical, & to relax. While I was at soccer practice, I didn’t have to worry about doing any other physical activity. If we were going hiking I could just do it. It was freeing.
So I set out in search of a gym to get my cardio & strength; a yoga studio for balance & flexibility; mentally, I’d have to find places where I was comfortable with the people. That meant finding at least two locations. Ugh. My search was on.
I walk through the door at this “gym” i.e. an empty warehouse with a fake black top floor and Brady Bunch grass. Ooooookay. This very happy lady comes over and asks, “Have you ever been on a TRX?”
“Uh, What’s ‘TRX’ stand for? I don’t think so.”
“Ok let’s try a plank and see how that works. Wow, you have good core strength.”
“I do? I do yoga sometimes.” Lame. ‘Sometimes’ means once a month.
“Yes. That is a hard exercise. Let’s start class you’ll be fine.”
‘Fine’. Define ‘fine'. If I just have to hang from that TRX thing all class then maybe I’ll be fine because apparently I have good core strength, but you are clearly a delusional fitness goddess because my core does not have good strength. Perhaps she is just one of those happy, spunky, annoying fitness people who wants you to join the cult.
According to this non-showering, data-driven Leprechaun talking incessantly, I will get it all - my cardio, strength, flexibility, balance, & “mentalness - in this 60-minute class.
Wait. Did she just mention all 5 things I had said were important to me?
“It’s great that you can squat 500lbs, but you can’t hold plank?” yells the Leprechaun.
And so, my internal dialogue begins…
OMG right. It’s about being well-rounded. Could this training get me where I want to be, a girl having fun outdoors listening to Pitbull, even though I haven’t moved in a remotely athletic way in 10 years?
“Take the modification.”
“The modification is there to help you do the exercise.”
You mean you’re not expecting me to be in Olympic-athlete shape, & the fact that I had to modify the warm up is ok?
“Get what YOU need.”
You’re not expecting me to be a fitness goddess like you?
“I was fat and running triathlons.”
You couldn’t lose the fat either? You aren’t just an annoying fitness goddess? You are like me?
“When I went to school & learned this stuff I was pissed because no one talks about how this really works!”
Wait. You’re not the all-powerful and mighty OZ, hoarding all the fitness knowledge so you look good while I still am seeing no results?
“I took all I learned & developed this method: 5 pillars, 3 planes of motion, EPOC.”
Your method is really starting to sound like the Method I need.
“How are you talking to yourself?”
How did you know I’m talking to myself?