of her embarrassing Method 360 Moments!
I would like to say I am now a grown-up, mature, adult person without lingering reservations, but that would be an absolute lie. Whenever I try something new, I feel my preteen self rear her self-conscious head.
I cannot be the only one who feels this way. We all avoid new things because we are clumsy, bumbling beings with a tendency to say, do, and be the “wrong” thing.
- Walked into the door
- ALL THE WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS including…
- My tank top being too low while my sports bra is also too low. (I may have flashed some of you. My bad.)
- A sports bra without any lining in a very cold room. (Need I say more?)
- Oh yes good, I’m glad my black lace thong was hanging out of my pants the entire class. Good.
- Going to the wrong station.
- Going to the right station, being convinced it is the wrong station, switching, then realizing I should go back to bed. (Thank you to the heroes who point me in the right direction.)
- TRX fails. My feet go where? How does one not fall on their face? HOW ARE THE TRAINERS SO GRACEFUL?
6. Hit myself in the face with a medicine ball/weight/any equipment ever.
- Awkwardly standing around when a trainer calls me by my mom’s name
- Ate a burrito the night before, and I am so sorry I know I keep farting but YOU KEEP MAKING ME DO JUMP SQUATS!
- I’m not that sorry.
- Yes, I like it when my makeup runs all over my face.
- Made a trainer burst out laughing at my sheer lack of coordination.
- Run a few minutes late. Have everyone turn as soon as I walk in. Yes this is fine.
- Fell flat on my face. (Damn you, monkey hops)
- MMA every damn time. Oh just punch this thing, kick that thing. I AM A 5’2” GIRL CREATURE WITH NO HAND-EYE COORDINATION.
- Stood around and stared awkwardly at the walls because I didn’t know anyone.
- Ah yes, I love when my Tinder matches show up, and I have to pretend I don’t know who they are. (Just kidding, Mom. I don’t even know what Tinder is.)
- MY SWEAT IS EVERYWHERE. If you think you sweat more, I challenge you to a *~sweat off~*.
- Went for the high five instead of the handshake. Oh you think that’s not something that happens at the gym? WRONG. I HAVE DONE IT.
- How does one “knee” something? Pretty sure I look like Napoleon Dynamite dancing when I try this.
- Snot everywhere. Haven’t gotten it on anyone else yet, but, hey, tomorrow is a new day.
- Dropped weights. (I don’t find this embarrassing because it means I AM HELLA STRONG, but I know some people feel it is.)
- Almost ate it on a box jump. I was able to make it without falling, but as previously stated tomorrow is a new day…
- My body, including my boobs, obey the laws of gravity. It gets weird sometimes… (ex: tuck jumps, burpees, any jumping any time, walking, existing, etc.)
- Almost knocked over half a class when we were putting away weights.
- Hit someone while doing an exercise.
- Hip thrusts. I know they are really great. But also… hip thrusts.
- Writing a list of all the embarrassing things I’ve done at the gym for everyone who goes to said gym to read.
Nervous about doing something? Find me. I will happily join you & add to my list. Trying to avoid embarrassment is to lead to a boring life. I’m not here for that. So, preteen me can just take a seat because I’ve got some weird Napoleon Dynamite dancing to do.