Okay - it's not that I am scared, but what happens if I don’t succeed?
What happens if I DO succeed?
There are so many variables in this situation.
I loathe the act of working out. Do I love the after-feeling of sweat and puke? Yes. Do I think about every excuse in the book starting at 4:45AM as to why I cannot work out? Yes. I mean, really, besides being in the hospital or car trouble, what is stopping me? I don't let colds or lack of sleep stop me from seeing my friends or going to a concert. Being sick is a badge of honor these days. Stressed? Badge. Tired? Badge. Overworked? BIG FUCKING BADGE.
I have never felt it inside, that feeling of "This is what I want. This is what I DESERVE." I'm not sure I feel it right now. I don't think it's going to take a health scare (did it), a mean comment (experienced it), or a Pinterest board filled with inspiration...no, I'm not sure it's going to take anything like that for me to change.
It has to be from me - from inside me.
but man, this shit is tough.
From my very first assessment I have had this motto running inside my head: ‘I want my outsides to match my insides’. Insecurity is huge. It’s this giant monster that we don’t ever talk about directly, but we talk about all the time. I don’t want to project my own insecurities anymore on anyone else. I won’t stand for those moments when I say, “I know you’re going to judge me, but…” No. Not anymore.
Let’s own our insecurities. Let’s work on them together. Let’s hold each other accountable and say, “No, no, I am NOT judging you, but I can help you stop judging yourself if you just let me in.”
It’s going to be wicked hard, people. There are going to be setbacks and bruised egos. I’m going to have excuses and the ugly insecurity monster is going to come knocking, but if I can’t do it for myself, then how can I sit behind that desk and preach about how YOU can do it for YOURSELF?
Practice what you preach. Get ‘er done. Nobody ever died of awkward.
See you on both sides of that desk, my friends.