Jack, my 9-year-old son, got – GASP – a red bracelet.
His horror was apparent when I picked up my sulky kid that afternoon. He told an “unjust” tale of how he didn’t get to take his test, etc. etc.
I decided to not step in to fix it & let him deal with it.
Three days later, I learned the truth: he'd actually caused his OWN problem by being suuuuuuper pokey about getting his little hiney down to the swimming hole on his first day. He hadn’t even tested! He failed by default!
This week at Method we’re exploring the theme of “failure by attempt vs. failure by default”.
The concept is a tough one, not just for 9-year-old boys.
When do we “give up” and when do we “accept”? And what is the difference between the two?
Likely you’ve struggled with this and maybe you’ve even told yourself, “I’m ready to accept where I am”. But sometimes, that doesn't feel right in our gut, and we may not know exactly why.
A powerful coach I follow named Brooke Castillo helped me understand the concept:
Acceptance: “I genuinely have no control over the situation.”
The latter is tricky, and lots of people lie to themselves about what they can and cannot control.
- “I’m just going to accept that I will always be fat…out of shape…unhappy…”
- “I’m just going to accept that I cannot leave this job…this relationship…this house….”
- “I’m just going to accept that I will never swim…have fun…make friends…”
When you “accept” these things, you are actually giving up. They are areas that you can control and change – and while no one is saying these are easy tasks, when you give up, you are choosing – on purpose – not to work on them any longer.
Jack had to really mull that over. Was he going to re-take his test, risk humiliation & failure, & sit in fear?
Or was he going to give up?
Friday came and he told me with confidence he was going to re-test. He came home with a green band and a beaming smile.
How about you? Is there work to do? Is it worth working on? Is there potential?
Is it an area you want to continue to work on….on purpose?
Yes? Then let’s go! It may be frustrating, hard, slow, annoying, defeating, time-consuming, and painful to your ego. That’s the price you’ll pay for not giving up. And in the long run, it will feel right – you’ll feel accomplished vs. defeated; proud vs. humiliated; impressed vs. embarrassed.
If you’ve opted out, given up, or just stopped trying because it’s too hard, you may feel kind of crappy about your decision. We’ve all been there. But. It's not too late to change your mind! Simply, decide.
When you've decided to keep going, contact us for a free consultation to get you on track! All you have to do right now is simply decide.